Some people think that brooding and sitting on their worries and thoughts works out fine for them. I, on the other hand, have learned through years of therapy that getting things out works best for me. I always talk shit out. You and I got a problem? We're damn well going to talk it out and put it behind us. It not only makes a stronger relationship (friend or otherwise), but it puts things to rest in a better way than silence ever could. Been thinking a lot on this lately...
Today I wrote this letter, and never sent it to anyone.
You deserve a lot more than what you're getting. Hell, you deserve a lot more than what you've known.
It breaks my heart, but I'm starting to feel you slipping away. And (I know you hate sentences started with and), while I know people often say they "feel" something, this is a very tangible physical presence. Like fingers that are wrapped around my insides, I feel them tightening in an attempt to hold on, the fingernails scratching at my stomach, making it so I can't eat some days.
It's not all your fault. As much as you'll convince yourself otherwise, a lot of what you've been doing is simply the result of years and years of false hopes and promises. Learned behavior, I guess you could say. You've learned to guard yourself, and you've learned in all the wrong ways what people call love. What I'm offering you isn't like what you've known, and while there are parts of you that tell you that, there are parts of you that get reminded of the horrible things you have known, and you tell yourself that you and I will end up as a failure -- that we'll be just like everything else: a tragedy.
I can't save you. And it also took me a long time to realize I don't want to save you. All I've ever truly wanted is to love you for you, flaws and all. I'm asking you to come along with me -- as a partner -- to stand up to whatever comes our way.
I don't believe that that is beyond your ability. I know, know, that you have it within yourself to choose love -- to not just turn an eye and do your best to ignore the sadness you feel as things inside you that I've brought to life start to wither.
It's your call. It's always been. I won't be like the others, forcing you into things you didn't truly choose out of love.
con todo mi amor,